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The Price Of Trauma

March 15, 2013

I’ve had a bit of a change of heart after the last three nights. Ever since the court case, I’ve always been very uneasy on the subject of damages. I loathe the compensation culture that exists in this country. I let the Official Solicitor persue the subject of Steven’s damages and tried not to get involved. I went against advice from my barrister and didn’t persue any damages for myself. And since Steven received them three weeks ago, and the whole housing situation and the manipulative way Hillingdon are treating his damages, I’ve actually been thinking about giving them back. The damages are proving more trouble than they’re worth.

However, the last three nights have been awful. Steven has had no more than four hours sleep each night since Tuesday; I’ve probably had about three hours. He’s been waking up about 11pm, in a terrible state of upset and anxiety. This morning at 1.30, it all came out.

On Fridays Steven goes to a day centre. It is run by the positive behaviour team and Steven often bumps into the manager there. We’ll call him John Green, for the sake of argument. This is the same man who in 2010, cancelled Steven’s holiday to Somerset two weeks before we were due to go as the positive behaviour team had decided Steven was too great a risk to be unleashed on the good folks of Burnham on Sea.

So, I’m sitting on Steven’s bed as he’s trying to rip his duvet up and he’s sobbing. Eventually, he grabbed me in a bear hug and said he didn’t want to go to the day centre today. I kept reassuring him that he didn’t have to go if he didn’t want to and then after an almighty sob and scream he shouted: “Don’t want John Green tell Steven Neary can’t go to Center Parcs”.

I spent two hours reassuring him that we ARE GOING to Center Parcs and nobody is going to stop us and eventually he fell asleep at 3am.

I got back to bed but haven’t slept for the many thoughts running round my head. One of the worst is the question; when will the trauma ever end for him? Has it now mapped out a life for him of distrust and uncertainty? No matter how much he trusts me, Steven has learned that Dad can be trumped. There are people more powerful than Dad who can make huge decisions in his life. Even if we plan something together (and the trunks, birthday presents and snacks have been in the bag for over a week, Steven is checking the bag at least 10 times a day), he knows that someone can come along and change all those plans. I don’t see an end to that.

I am raging. I keep thinking of all those pointless meetings over the last three years with the in-house psychologist and the positive behaviour team and the amount of energy they have put into denying that Steven has suffered any lasting effects of 2010. They couldn’t give a toss about him; it’s all about accountability. But if they acknowledge that, the damages may have been higher. Money drives again.

I can manage the next three days. I’m expeccting the next three nights to be the same and Steven’s distress will only abate when we’re on the road on Monday morning.

But it will be temporary. There will be something else that is important to him. Something else that will cause great anxiety because he’ll be terrified that it will be taken from him again.


From → Social Care

One Comment
  1. These people are earning big salaries and all they do is screw people up; their doublespeak language about `best interests`, and so on, does not fool anybody who cares to take a look at the consequenes of their actions. It is so important to keep telling your story because it cannot fail to touch people. Hope you get a sleep soon.

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