Things were really buzzing in Committee Room Five of Newport Pagnellshire’s Civic Centre. Not since the great spring “Reform Reform Reform” conference (https://markneary1dotcom1.wordpress.com/2013/05/29/reform-reform-reform/) had expectations been so high.
All 33 members of the Social Care Acronyms Sub Committee were assembled for the launch of the Director’s latest whizz bang innovation.
If truth be told, the Circle of Support initiative had been less than successful. It hadn’t brought in the expected efficiency savings and to be quite frank, the service users had been too stupid to understand its benefits.
Undeterred, the Director had gone back to the drawing board and had a moment of rebranding inspiration.
And so today, will see the launch of the Fairer Utilisation of Care Befriending Scheme.
It couldn’t be more simple. The champions work with the service users to identify their friends and then those friends get charged for being a friend. It’s an independence win win. The service user feels more independent using their friends for support rather than those costly care workers and the friends can independently pay for the privilege.
What was troubling the acronym sub committee though was that the title didn’t scan. You can’t have a FUCBS – your tongue could get mangled.
The Director had given the group a free hand to improvise and so it was that all sorts of ideas came pouring forth.
“Acquaintances – then it can be a FUCAS”
“How about Intimates – I like the idea of FUCIS?”
Five hours later, the sub committee settled on “Kinship”
But that was not the end of the matter. Much discussion was had over the Users Participation System – a weighty document covering all manner of processes the service user and their friend would have to follow. The sub committee aren’t on £66k a year for nothing and by nightfall, the launch poster for the Director’s new baby was ready:
Newport Pagnellshire Social Care presents: FUCKUPS – Independence For All
Love, Belief and Balls 
Superb!
Sadly, I can imagine this really happening, having been at similar meetings (although in a different area, not social care) myself.
Though your frustration shines through Mark I laughed till I cried and almost piddled myself at the last line. Good to see your brilliant sense of humour put to good use. Thank you for the laugh and all the best to you both xx
Well done that man, Mark! Love it. I can feel your rage and despair with all the acronyms, jargon and smoke and mirrors.
Brilliant. Properly laugh out loud stuff. But as pointed out this is sadly, exactly what happens in ‘social care’
A professional’s blog that I stumbled upon that sums up FUCUPS perfectly: http://talesfromserviceland.blogspot.co.uk/
It’s absurdly real with a touch of pathos. I’m sure it’ll ring bells with you, especially the caption with the motorbike in mid-jump falling to pieces and social care professionals’ suggestions about what to do about it.
Bloody brilliant I can’t stop laughing. Sadly it so true
Good luck Mark and Steven.
I’ve just been directed here from the BBC website, and having read the last couple of stories, I’m feeling angry. I’ve often puzzled over the reason management speak came into existence, and is now so widely used by politicians, managers and the NHS. It appears simply to achieve nothing but to hide the true meaning of intent; to make it more palateble. I’m very sorry that both you and your son have to put up with this bullshit. It shows that no forms of social welfare can be run as a business.
Your struggles reinforce my view that this country and maybe the civilised world has stopped caring for its people and has become a place I’m not sure I want to live anymore.
It’s pretty hilarious and probably somewhat close to the truth about how these acronyms and jargon are thought up.