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A Hive of Activity in Committee Room Five

January 12, 2015

HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL

The great, the good and the downright outstanding from the Newport Pagnellshire Adult Social Care Blue Sky Viral Quality Deep Diving Concordat were assembled in Committee Room Five for a meeting that would hopefully, change the face of social care, not just in this small shire county but across the country.

The recently promoted Uber CEO, Deidre Trussell, had gathered all 76 trombones executives from the Rebadging Think Tank, which included the 18 members of the social care acronyms sub committee and the 3 members of the PWOTEP (“Pulling the Wool Over the Eyes of the Plebs) Division. Unfortunately, for the 18th meeting in a row, no service users or their family were present and the Head of Viral User Participation (VUP) promised to check with the post room as to why the invites had fallen down the back of the radiator, Again. The room was heaving with anticipation and Madras vol au vents. Deidre pulled up a chair:

“Right. Not to beat about the herbaceous – we’ve been rumbled. Today marks the last ever gathering of the Rebadging Think Tank. By the time we leave here today, we will be bigger, better than ever before. Today is the day we rebadge the rebadging committee. We’ve been phenomenal so far. We’ve managed to rebadge the council’s entire stock of residential care homes into independent support living flats and saved the taxpayers a small fortune. Our big push on Circles of Support has meant that we no longer have to fork out for any paid support – we just get their neighbours or the man from the betting shop to do the support – totally free of charge. And we’ve achieved all this with a straight face and an empathic sincerity that has been a joy to behold. But all good things come to an end and now it’s time to raise the bar. There are all sorts of nuisance groups cropping out – I’ve got one here – It’s called the LBBob I think – who are demanding more transparency and accountability. Thin ice time folks. They’re purloining our language. We don’t want to be hoisted with our own petards – we built a formidable edifice of deceit and language was the building blocks of that structure. Our challenge for this decade is to master the language of integrity and then shaft them with it. Let’s have it then……..Rebadge me like I’ve never been rebadged before….”

“Well. I think whatever we end up with, the word Fairer must be in there somewhere. Its the perfect wrong footer. Induces guilt before they’re even out of the starting blocks”.

” Excellent. It worked brilliantly with the Fairer access to care services assessment and the fairer charging policy”.

“Word on the street has it that Didcot Parkwayshire borough council are utilizing the word Utilization a lot. It implies there is something we do that can be utilised. By the time they’ve looked for that needle in the haystack, we’ll be a dot in the distance”.

” We need a word to describe the care we’re offering. I know we tried compassionate care and that bombed. How about Collaborative Care?”

“Superb. It suggests we’re all in this together. That way we can get the service user’s window cleaner to do three waking nights and trumpet it as the very best in person centered collaborative care”.

” I’ve just come back from mindfulness training and it would be good to get an over the top adjective in there. Say it often enough and you start to believe it. How about Extraordinary”?

“One last suggestion, and I’m going out on a limb here. But why don’t we make up a word? I always felt ‘concordat’ had an imaginary ring to it. We need a word that encapsulates how important we are. I suggest ‘Majestum’.”

The group sat back, dripping with satisfaction. This is why they were worth every last penny of their six figure salaries. In 27 minutes flat, they had successfully rebadged themselves into the Fairer Utilization Collaborative Care Extraordinary Majestum.

Last word to DeidreTrussell:

“An excellent morning’s work folks. Just remember, we entered this room today as members of the Rebadging Concordat. We leave, as FUCCEMs”.

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From → Social Care

8 Comments
  1. Outstanding piece of work Mr Neary!

  2. The newly renamed “Fairer Utilization Collaborative Care Extraordinary Majestum” now needs a nice conference, with lots of expenses paid council and private care ‘high heid yins’, and a few shrinks, preferably with professor status. How about Barbados or Florida, instead of freezing cold Blighty? The word Majestum has a sort of Royal sound to it. How about inviting Prince Andrew to give a speech? The UK Government funds his bodyguards. A few politicians, also expenses paid, would add to the ‘diversity’. What a good idea!

  3. twittleyjules permalink

    Good one Mark…

  4. Yes, I did have a little chuckle at the black humour, if only it wasn’t all sooooo true!
    While the LA’s are bemoaning ‘the cuts’ for ‘these challenging times’ when they may have
    ‘to resort to the unthinkable’ there seems to be a plethora of reports and meetings for their
    hierarchy of high earning staff from which the only outcome is two more commissions to replace
    the previous one whilst nothing ever reaches the vulnerable. It’s time to cut the cutters!!

    • Pauline Thomas permalink

      Hilarious. It would be so much more funny if it was not actually true. You have them down to a T. You must start a new career in comedy writing. Another ‘Yes Minister’ perhaps. Or Yes Adult Services Manager’ even. Soon the carpet will not be big enough to sweep this lot of shit under.

  5. Ella permalink

    Yes Adult Services Manager… that’s a show I’d watch. Funny and very sad because this is exactly what it’s like.

  6. Spot on Mark . I was told today that taking the specialist social worker from our department was to improve resiliance – WTF.? Also when they carried out their secret service review there was only .5 of a specialist worker (she was on a phased return due to burn out!) and so most families managed without. Again W.T.F. ? If the worker wasnt there they never had any choice, it doesn’t mean these families never needed a specialist service or may have benefitted from it!!!! They are playing the “if we dont tell (families whose lives are falling apart post diagnosis) about supports and services they wont know and wont ask and we save ,” game. Dispicable behaviour! I’m going for a lie down ☺️

  7. Sally permalink

    Fantastic Mark. Fresh from a nasty review meeting in which a social worker blamed me for my son’s lonely life since his activity program closed,may I suggest FUCCEM adopt “source”? As in “Why have you not sourced replacement activities for your son? And “generous” should be in there as a guilt-inducing adjective.Goes with “fair”

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