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You Spin Me Round Like An Arsehole

February 28, 2015

The following is a press release from CrapCare Foundation Trust which runs 1029 learning disability services in Newport Pagnellshire. This release follows a CQC inspection of all the Trust’s services which resulted in an overall Inadequate rating. Of the 12 assessed areas, 10 were rated as inadequate, 1 requires improvement and 1 was rated as good.

Over to CrapCare for their statement of the inspection:

Good Performance From A Great, Well Led Trust 

We are delighted to announce the results of the recent inspection of our learning disability services. The report demonstrates our continued drive towards excellence and it was particularly satisfying to receive a “Good” rating for our innovative procurement of brillo pads.

We welcome the enforcement notice awarded by the CQC and will continue to work closely with all our partners at maintaining and building on our successes. Important lessons have been learned from the inspection that will inform our strategic thinking for the next decade. We accept the challenges of providing exceptional care at a time of huge challenge for social care and any perceived shortcomings of the Trust are not our fault at all but down to the patients and Bonnie Tyler.

Each of the Trusts 44 Majestums will do the hucklebuck lead the leadership programme for change in an exciting and leading fashion. In viralling our leadership quality we are confident of many many awards coming our way in the Autumn award ceremonies.

We will continue to put our….erm….what are they called….oh yes…..service users at the heart of our business stratagem and commit to ensuring that the users of our excellent, award winning services continue to receive an excellent brand of brillo pad.

Transparency continues to be our flagship value and transparently our transparence shines a beacon for transparential engagement.

Our award winning management team have already met to absorb and cross communicate the report in total candour and will be shortly be announcing the exciting project that we have called “Plan B” where should the CQC decide to press charges, we will capitalise on this unique business opportunity and convert 721 of our learning disability assets into modern pig farms.

CrapCare remains committed to providing services to our commissioning partners in the modern way with second to none leadership on which we have built our reputation.

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From → Social Care

7 Comments
  1. You shameless old cynic you!

  2. Pauline Thomas permalink

    Do stop it Mark! Bonnie Tyler will sue.

  3. Having had some experience of “inspections” in education, I am not overly impressed by CQC reports. The amount of effort that went into getting a good grade had very little to do with anything that benefited the students – far from it. And the things that gained the management of the college a good report were not that impressive, either. Farcical, stage managed and over-rehearsed was the view of most teachers. Paperwork over people, every time it seemed to me. The bit where they say “We talked to a couple of residents” trouble me. How many people with LD can articulate a coherent complaint, – and how good is good when crap is what is usually on offer

    As for Leadership and Lessons learned – how can they just keep on trundling that out?

  4. Deb permalink

    Yep that all sounds about right, except you missed – ” and we will continue to be totally baffled by autism and challenging behaviour for the foreseeable future”. !!!!

  5. Jayne knight permalink

    We wI’ll continue to send out our unbelievably, untrue statements about ourselves whilst hacking into people’s private accounts in social media and getting gagging orders to stop anyone exposing our shite

    • Deb permalink

      Thank you Jayne for making me laugh out loud in what is a truly awful situation.

  6. Sally permalink

    Thank you for giving me a laugh in the middleof a terrible time with this lot.
    Mark, “bespoke!” You forgot “bespoke!” As in: “bespoke packages of care”. New buzz word around here. I am unsure if I am trying to get help for my son or renovating a kitchen. What next? “Artisan care?”
    How about, “This may look like a huge horrible bin but every person here can be assured of individualised care, honest!”

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