Skip to content

Exnovate The Pisitive

April 24, 2015

There was an odd frisson of excitement and foreboding as the members of Newport Pagnellshire’s Vanguard Innovation Majestum filed into committee room five. Deirdre Trusell was already present and deep in conversation with a, hang about, I recognize that face, guest speaker. An unfamiliar (familiar) face added to the tension. Like a whippet, Deirdre was on her feet:

“Thank you all for coming to this hush hush meeting. I got the overnight train back from Quality 2015, such is the importance of this extra-ordinary, highly confidential, majestum gathering. I think it’s fair to say that yesterday’s conference was akin to a Damascus moment. Ladies and gentlemen, we have been fools. We have been dinosaurs. For sheer, sublime brass neck you cannot beat the NHS innovation movers and shakers. Here at Newport Pagnellshire, we are so far behind the times, I’m ashamed to call myself a vanguard. In fact, Vanguardship is so March 2015. It is as relevant as powdered egg. The future, the blue sky, lies in exnovation. To push the envelope, to viral our quality, we need to exnovate…”

“Exnovate?”

“Exnovate. You may think you’re listening to Deirdre Trusell. I’m here to tell you you’re listening to Deirdre Exnovator, the Nemesis of innovation. And if you want to earn your exnovator badges, you’ll need to think and move fast. How can we innovate, if we haven’t exnovated first. Clear out the crap of your thinking. Exnovate the rubbish into oblivion…..”

“So, exnovation is a pre innovation strategum?”

“In a nutshell Bob. You may have already noticed a new face at the majestum this morning. A new face, but I hope, a familiar face. I’ve not been letting the grass grow under my feet, I’ve already appointed our Exnovation Communications Exnovator. You may know him from one of the 1980s classic sitcoms. Let me introduce you to Arthur Bostrum……”

“Thank you Deidre. Good moaning. I was pissing by the civic center and saw the posters for your virile quality and I knew, I wanted to be a prat of your committitty…”

“Thank you Arthur. More from you later. I know your contributions will be invaluable. I can see the penny hasn’t fully dropped yet. I have seen the future and the future is exnovation. First and foremost, we’ll never have to innovate again. We can see out our careers resting on our six figure, exnovated laurels. We never have to do anything ever again beyond the occassionaly light spring cleaning.

But better still, exnovation opens the doors to a revolution. We now have carte Blanche to make up entirely new words. Brand new, innovative words. Think where that might take us. We dropped a clanger. We managed to get shot of two thirds of our service users (Scoobydinks?) to New South Wales but we still called their new homes, assessment and treatment units. A big mistake. Arthur?”

“I don’t understand. Arsessment and twatment units?”

“Exactly Arthur. You’re on message. I know I’ve delivered a bombshell this morning and you need time to absorb my bomb. I’m asking you, my proud band of exnovators, to go away, have a coffee and exnovate all your old ideas. We’ll reconvene in two hours to flagpole the pompostiums. Just remember. In is ex. Ex is in.

Oh, and by the way, my first deliberation is to exnovate the letter B and replace it with the letter C. Bob – sorry, Coc, your P45 is on your desk. Off you all go then. Arthur. Martinis?”

“Splondid”.

Advertisements

From → Social Care

4 Comments
  1. I came across a new German word – to go with schadenfreude. It is verschlimbessen, which apparently means to improve by making worse. Don’t think it will catch on – rather too many syllables – but the IDEA, and the practice of doing that is certainly familiar.

    Exnovate is particularly irritating, because it almost sounds like it means something – rather like “Leader”. Maybe it has more in common with Newspeak – good and un-good – words as a way of replacing thought, and saying taking the place of doing.

  2. meg permalink

    Mark. I don’t know how you keep your sense of humour going but I and my chuckle muscle are well glad you do. Whilst recognising, alas, that what you concoct and present is probably not so far from reality

  3. Sally permalink

    Brilliant, Mark.
    Jesus, what a word. Connotations of “renovate” which sounds rather nice and reassuring. Who doesn’t want a new bathroom?
    The there’s “ex” as in external ,exterior, not with us ,outside. Which is where any residual responsibilities and services will, I guess, be heading.
    How will we know where to go when we are ex? We will be signposted, still the buzz word in my area. Everybody wants to signpost. It means you provide nothing but point to other things. Nothing left to point at? Then point to the inner resources of the client and their carer.
    Must try this with the electricity company. Oh, you want my bill paid? Let me signpost you to some local banks. You could ask them. Or you could have a cake sale to raise the money for my bill. Or you could accept it as part of your life’s journey. Look, I am being helpful here…

  4. David Drew (@NHSwhistleblowr) says we need a new, universally understood language for talking to bureaucrats. He suggests ‘Exasperanto’.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: