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“Where Can I Put My Tissue?”

August 14, 2015

Apologies for a rather self indulgent, personal post. I guess it’s one for the category, “Futile Planning for the Future”.

I’ve just brought a cooker. I didn’t go out to buy a cooker. I went out to buy a bin for the counselling room in my flat. For some reason my clients don’t tend to get through a lot of tissues. I’ve been there since last November and I’ve only just opened the third box. However, as the room is binless, we sometimes have an awkward moment where the client will be holding a handful of used tissues and has to ask me where they can dispose of them. I normally relieve them of the tissues and flush them down the lavatory after they’ve gone. A £4.99 whicker bin cuts all that unnecessary business out.

So, I came out of B&M with my bin. And some towels. And some wine glasses (no more Blue Nun in a mug). And a multipack of Caramac for Steven. Next door to the bin shop is Curry’s and before I knew what I was doing, I was in store ordering a cooker. It was only after the customer engagement deputy manager (there’s no escaping them) went off to check on a delivery date, that I thought – ” Oh. I’ve just brought a cooker”.

There is a cooker in the flat. It is one of several items the previous owner threw in with the asking price. The cooker, like the display lights in the hall, is best filed under the heading, “He saw you coming mate”. The hob works and so does the grill but the oven doesn’t. In nine months, I’ve yet to cook myself a full meal. Now I can.

Why haven’t I brought a cooker before now? It’s not been a conscious decision but I know its all part of my obsession with trying to plan for Steven’s future. I know deep down that it is completely pointless and his future will be decided by a social care Panel and their accountants but it doesn’t stop me having endless sleepness nights as I try to ” tend to my affairs”.

Steven has a cooker in his house. So, I’ve reasoned that he won’t need a second one, if he is allowed to move into my flat (which by then will be his flat) after my demise. I’ll let you into a secret. In my bedside cabinet drawer is a list of furniture that Steven currently has and my idea whether he will use it when he moves into the flat or whether it gets sold or stored in the garage. It’s next to the folder containing the running order of Steven’s DVD sessions. Utterly Futile, but I like to think I’ve covered all bases.

I used to be, very much, a live for the present sort of chap. But since we’ve become trapped in adult services, so much of my attention is focused on the future. Trying to control the uncontrollable because Steven’s future seems so bleak if left in the hands of the professionals.

But what a daft way to live. To not buy a cooker for nine months because of something that will happen in (hopefully) many years from now is ludicrous.

He lives pretty much for each day. I need to start doing the same.

Does anyone know of any washing machines going cheap?


From → Social Care

  1. Emma permalink

    Live for everyday. An excellent motto.
    AO have an indesit washing machine with £90 quid off- looks ok.
    One for Steven? Or maybe their real stories won’t suit his back stories?

    Wishing you some peace in a turbulent world, and thanking you for your funny, gentle and honest views on the world.

  2. nic permalink

    i spent the £200 carer’s grant from “funds we have left over ” on a belling 335 non fan cooker for my daughter in 2010. The SW tried to bribe me with my daughter’s personal safety being at risk if she took on a tenancy. SW gave me £200 for “pampering ” with “no receipt required ” . My daughter took the tenancy. After my daughter died I gave the cooker to someone who needed it. Go sue me LA . Do you seriously need a washing machine ?

    • I haven’t got one in the flat. I do all the washing at Steven’s.

      • nic permalink

        future planning, there has to be a washing machine at yours as well, is there a c/o address for a cheque .

      • Thanks Nic but it’s not lack of money. It’s lack of enthusiasm on my part.

      • nic permalink

        understood, when the machine is in remember to put the receipt in the oops a daisy file. Washing machine purchase date and warranty contact before Water companies and account numbers. No exiting this world without the file being updated. Sincerely wishing you a good nights sleep sometime in the future, courtesy of Blue Nun is acceptable on a very rare occasion.

  3. It’s so moving – and sad – to see your thought process laid out here.

    I wish I could wave a magic wand.

    Re washing machine, I tend to think free cycle etc is shit, but local area SOS ~ “sell or swap” Facebook groups do tend to be more genuine and helpful. Obviously most of it is tat, but I’ve seen reasonable white goods on occasion so it’s worth watching.

  4. weary mother permalink

    Re Parents fear of the future:

    1. I have been in SW London for a few days, I saw a young woman and a young man at the rail station. The young woman was clearly the support worker to this young man who had Downs and a mobility disability. Climbing the stairs caused him some difficulty. The young woman stood apart from him and poked her mobile phone while they waited for a train. The young man stood patiently along side her. They got off at same stop as I did. Young woman was on her phone the whole journey. Young woman walked/strode ahead as they left station, young man plodded faster to keep up with her. They left the station, young woman had not indicated they were together, looked at or communicated with young man, once. The young man seemed to accept this for he did not seek her attention. An outing for whom?

    2. My son and I went to a review of his new day service last week. He loves it there, manager and staff are excellent. Happy busy place. He chatted openly and without apprehension, something he does not do at annual care manager reviews.

    Asked what he would like to be better/ have help with, he shared for first time that his weekly shopping trip is sometimes shared with another very much older and more seriously learning disabled man. My son said he likes this man (has known him for years) but he likes to talk to and to be with his young support worker (two ‘young’ men just out together?) when out shopping, but because the other man needs a ‘lot of help’ and is ‘very noisy’, so this is not possible. He does not like going out on shopping day on these days. His care plan and contract with the agency is for a one to one, as is for the other man.

    I wonder if anyone asks the people we see trailing around shopping centre in a group, often with disinterested (in them) staff, if they like it?

    • thewoodsbeyondthetrees permalink

      Dear Weary Mother: I saw a similar scenario whilst I was waiting in my car at a zebra crossing for the pedestrians to cross the road. A ‘carer’ walking way ahead of her dear little middle aged Downs ‘client’, totally disassociating herself from her and with absolutely no engagement, support or friendly chit chat, let alone close attention to her safely at a perilous junction. This scene has embedded itself in my memory as being the sort of ‘care’ I shall do everything in my power to guard against for my own son– but, as you say, what of the future?

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