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A Fresh Approach To Independent Living From Committee Room Five

August 29, 2015

This is a briefing note to all members of the Newport Pagnellshire Adult Social Care Independent Living Majestum with an update on local policy that will take immediate effect.

Following the announcement this week of the innovative solutions to the challenge of taking on shedloads of ILF claimants introduced by our brothers and sisters at Hounslow Borough Council, I have set out our five pronged attack on those scroungers scoobydinks.  A report on the genius trailblazing at Hounslow can be found at the bottom of this scripture. Inspired clearly by the forerunning efforts of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea, we are picking up the baton and transforming our own ideas around independent living.

The five tentacles to this viral leading proposum are as follows:

1. Inspired by the lead set by Hounslow, we will be withdrawing, with immediate effect, all night time support carried out by human beings for people with physical disabilities. To facilitate their independence, we have entered into a major partnership operation with one of out key stakeholders, Shit Soakage PLC. They, at extremely competitive rates, will provide incontinence pads for all the service users who fall under this umbrella. We have secured through our award winning brokerage team wholesale rates on the afore mentioned pads which in turn we can sell to the scoobydinks at equitable rates. I think it’s fair to say that for all parties concerned, our trousers will be pretty full.

2. Linked in with tentacle one is our reimagining of what constitutes a “night”. For far too long we have adopted an outdated, unfair approach to this important classification. Not any more. From today, a night will begin at 5pm and end at 9am the following day. This empowers the service user to have 16 hours of person centred independence, safe in the knowledge that whatever fate becomes them during those hours, they will be enabled to use their own resources to deal with the situation they find themselves in. This policy will not just apply to the physically disabled but to every single person on our books with a learning disability. We are calling this our “Fairer Right to Independent Timeage” Or FRIT.

3. That leaves us with the daytimes and those difficult eight hours when we have a statutory duty to provide care that promotes the person’s well being. I have already cancelled every single contract we hold with our bank of support agency provider partners. Under no stretch of the imagination can having a PA count as being independent in the truest meaning of the word. In an example of incredible vanguardism, we have signed a co-production arrangement with Marjorie’s Dog Walking Service. Marjorie estimates that she will be able to take six service users out at any one time, although of course, the client will have to pay for their own leash and for Marjorie’s time. Despite the leather studded restraint leads, I believe this is an important breakthrough in independently accessing the community.

4. We have had many discussions over the years about rebadging personal care. It was one of our key ambitions for exnovation but quite frankly, we have never had the balls to go far enough. Personal care is time consuming. There is a feeling that it is time wasted as personal care isn’t always high up on the service user’s own agenda. Last week, I was sitting in my room at the Park Plaza, waiting to deliver my keynote speech at the O Concordat Symposinitical Gatherage and I noticed the small basket of toiletries on my vanity unit. Bingo. Before you could say fuzzy peach shower gel, I signed a 18 year contract with the Body Shop to supply all our service user’s personal care items at astronomical mark ups. Whether the service user choses to use the goods they are committed to purchasing is an organic example of independence that cannot be beaten. Indpendent personal care is available to all equitably at £39.99 per week.

5. Our final piece of blue sky thinking centred around respite. If the service users are to be independent then it is only fair that their families and carers are independent as well. To that end, we are withdrawing all respite initiatives. If the parents want an independent break, they can independently find it and pay for it themselves. In doing so, they can model independent decision making processes to their charges.

I’m sure you’ll agree that these new policies are the way forward. I feel passionate about the way we have embraced independent living and I’m sure that all the service users and their families will see the exciting possibilities offered by this landmark landmark.

For anyone interested, here is the inspiration for our new deal –


From → Social Care

  1. Pauline Thomas permalink

    The third tentacle of the viral leading proposum certainly resonates with my experience last week with a suggestion from a social worker setting up some care for my son.

    He said “I have set up for a support worker from an agency to come and take your son out for the day”. “Where can they take him for 7 hours?” I asked. “To the park” he said. Relating this telephone call to my husband prompted the reply “Does he think Andrew’s a f—–g dog.”

    So your fictional social service people Mark is not quite fictional after all.

  2. Sally permalink

    Mark..brilliant, just brilliant. But please don’t give them any ideas.
    Actual dialogue from a couple of years ago.
    Me: (Shocked and furious ) Why have you taken my son off the list for the holiday disabled activity program?
    Head of DCT: “Because we support inclusion.
    Me: In that case what stops you from closing your entire service and letting the disabled kids experience inclusion to the full?
    Head: (Wistful look crosses face…)

  3. One imagines that the next scheme will be one to encourage employment in the disabled, as well as keeping the access to a carer for every disabled person. An innovationtastic scheme where they are sent in pairs to the park for eight hours, each one being the carer for the other – part of the ‘world access for the disabled’ policy !

  4. Sally permalink

    No, no, simply send the disabled on “World Encounter weeks.” (Outmoded definition of week of 7 days modernised to cover the period between September and January)
    In these exciting and inclusive weeks, front doors will be removed, so the disabled will be allowed to experience the World free ,and unencumbered by any assistance.

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