Yesterday, I read a post from a parent who had been told by her LA that her personal budget expenditure would be audited to ensure the measurable outcomes of the Care plan had been achieved.
Why do learning disabled people always have to be working towards an outcome? Why do learning disabled people’s lives have to be in a permanent state of being measured? Why do learning disabled people have to succumb to professionals deciding whether they’ve achieved something?
I replied to the post, stating that one of Steven’s self set goals for yesterday was to watch Toy Story 2. At 8.30 last night he achieved that outcome thanks to BBC3 and thoroughly enjoyed himself. The outcome was measured by the number of times he wiped tears of laughter from his eyes.
Anyway, it’s 2016. I thought I ought to set myself some resolutions. Sorry, measurable outcomes. In a gesture of solidarity, I will be seeing my Care Planner, to draw up my own compendium of outcomes.
Firstly, thanks to personalisation and being a recipient of a personal budget, I am now an employer. It’s not something I ever aspired to as an outcome of my life but heigh-ho – you need care support, you have to become a company director. For 2016, I am going to take a leaf out of Vodaphone and Gary Barlow’s book and instead of paying the PAYE monthly, I will make a donation to HMRC. When I’ve got the time. When there’s nothing on the telly.
Secondly, I’m going to follow the NHS’s lead and pretend I’m a charity and go for the 2016 Christmas Number One. I think I’m on to a winner personally. I’ve written the moving first verse already:
“Change is changing.
Exnovation is Exnovating.
Leader love is leading.
A wank is wanking”.
Thirdly, I’m going to write on my underpants a lot more than I did in 2015. Each Thursday morning, I will arise and scribble a few motivational words on my boxers. I’ve started already. Today, my y-fronts carry the message, ” Catch those apples”. The beauty of this outcome is that it is easily measurable. Whenever, my personal budget is due to be audited, I can take my laundry basket to the Civic Centre and let the Direct Payment manager have a rummage through my smalls.
Finally, as all good care plans have an emphasis on independence skills, I will be writing my own care plan. Once again, it is easily measured as all professional care planners will be an extinct species by May.
I might be pushing my luck but I wouldn’t mind a few other outcomes this year:
- Justice for LB
- LBBill becomes law
- Someone, somewhere takes the Mazars report seriously.
- Southern Health crash their flotilla into The harbour at Cowes.
- Learning disabled people are recognised as human beings.
- ATUs become an historical artefact.
- Leeds United make the play offs.
- Darts reform.
- Julian Fellowes writes the screenplay for Camberwick Green, the Movie.
- Our Norwich holiday turns out as wonderful as Torquay.
- Steven and I laugh as much as we did in 2015.
Not much to ask for.