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May 19, 2016

Paragraph from a report on mine and Steven’s relationship, written by the Positive Behaviour Team during Steven’s detention in 2010:

“Mr Neary refuses to acknowledge that by engaging in conversations with Steven that are strictly on Steven’s terms, he is preventing Steven developing in more mature and appropriate ways”.

Last night, I was sitting on the back door step, eating a cheeky Aero and Steven came bounding out:

” Dad – Henry Blowers, Dad”.

“Henry Blowers mate?”

“Dad – Henry Blowers didn’t sing Wake Me Up Before You Go Go”.

” No mate. That was Wham”.

Steven burst out laughing at his own joke and went skipping back into the living room like Michael Flately on speed.

I heard him chuckling and talking to himself:

“Steven Neary & Mark Neary was talking Henry Blowers. Massive funny George Michael joke. Steven Neary is a happy Cowley man”.


From → Social Care

  1. techiebabe permalink

    You should have responded “My dear boy, what excellent repartee!”

    And donned some bright orange trousers. 😉

    • Quite right.

      How can you engage with an autistic, if not on your terms, to do otherwise is not to engage, and is discriminating against their autism, illegal under autism and equality acts.

  2. weary mother permalink

    Moments like that are what it is all about. They light up our world. x

  3. Sorry slip…………… not on ‘their’ terms

  4. Shirley Buckley permalink

    I find your and Steven’s relationship quite magical – you seem to belong in his world, autistic as it is, and to have given it a form that we can all understand and join in, jokes and all. This is empowerment, not just for Steven, but for you. How enabling is that, for us all. Equality with the autistic. Preach it from the mountain tops

    • Particularly, as they appear to be infinitely superior to the rest of us ie honest, direct, sensitive, intelligent, curious, intuitive, loving of nature, free, open, non judgemental, egoless, non destructive

  5. Jayne knight permalink

    What are you supposed to do than? Ignore him, say speak sense that’s nonsense? Because it’s not nonsense, it’s a great conversation.
    Sometimes I wonder why we would want to build any communication bridge into this frightening world. I’d be very happy to stay in my secure base and never explore the rest. How dare he say that to you knowing what you do for a living too. The ridiculous man
    You have and others have to help him get in touch with everything out there every day of his life.
    Please PM his name to me so we can avoid each other

  6. Pauline Thomas permalink

    I’m surprised they did not accuse you of spoiling Steven. Did they suggest you was over protective? Maybe they muted the possibility of you ‘not wanting to let go’? All accusations thrown at me over the 44 years I have looked after my son. Keep doing what you are doing. Give Steven the life he loves and with the humour. especially the humour.

  7. Judy permalink

    What a bizarre thing to say – in an average day we all engage in conversations with people on ‘their own terms’ . Communication is surely all about finding ways to meet people on their own terms. One of the problems I have in trying to understand where mental health professionals are coming from is that they seem to assume that them saying things is somehow communicating .

  8. ‘Mature and appropriate’ ….so overrated. G and I blow raspberries at each other. It works for us!

  9. ASocialWorkerFightingForJustice permalink

    This just put a massive smile on my face. Heaven forbid Steven has an interest in something and wants to share that with you. Your doing a fantastic job and your blogs inspire me to be a better social worker X

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