There’s an inevitability that once you’ve been through a traumatic experience, the trauma can be reactivated in the blink of an eye. There is no protection: it’s as quick as lightning.
I caught a bit of football on the TV earlier. The striker took a shot at goal and the ball sailed at least 10 feet over the bar. This prompted the commentator to observe rather pithily: “Well, you could hardly call that a near miss”.
Whoosh! I was back in 2010.
One of the weapons that Hillingdon employed to discredit me in court was, “we believe Mr Neary does not appreciate the importance of recording incidents and doesn’t record every incident that takes place”.
Well, the second half of the sentence was correct. We live in a home, not a labaroratory. However, the first part of the sentence confused me and when I challenged them on, their reply was, “We can find no record of you recording a near miss”.
A near miss! What is a near miss? Steven looked like he might throw that cup? He appeared to be on the verge of kicking someone? I would have laughed but the amount of threat embedded in the idea of a near miss is chilling.
For all the units’ claims to the scientific credentials of functional analysis, this was simply subjective speculation. In what other field, can the expert claim a position they defend in court that’s based on what might have happened? How many people are serving long prison sentences for something they looked like doing?
This is how daft it got and how frightened I became. When Steven first came home, the court ordered that we keep logs at home. Neither me, nor the support workers knew what a near miss was but knew we couldn’t hand in a log without any near misses. So, I made them up. Once a week I would type up what the support workers had written during the week, I’d add a couple of fictional near misses. The guilt was terrible. I felt so disloyal towards Steven but knew Hillingdon would try and get us back in court if we were near miss less.
These shite memories have been running through my head all day.
It could have been so different if Number 8’s attempt at goal had hit the target.
From → Social Care