Deidre’s Right To Reply

It’s always nice to open up Love Belief and Balls to a guest writer. Today, I feel we’ve taken guest blogging to a new level and it’s with great pleasure and a twinge of trepidation that I hand over the reins to Dame Deidre Trussell, the former head of Newport Pagnellshire’s social care majestum.

Yesterday, an organisation called Heathcotes announced its plan to purloin people’s gardens and build a collection of care pathway Pods where families’ vegetable patches once stood. The full article is here:

These Pods may look like sheds but in fact they are an innovative step down placement that free up much needed beds in the assessment and treatment units that need a necessary cash injection to make sure their hedge fund managers don’t go without a goose this Noel.

It’s fair to say that Heathcotes’ plan has made Dame Deidre go a bit hot under the polo neck and without further ado, I offer this space to the venerable Dame for her right to reply:

“Every now and then a snotty nosed new kid on the block comes along and urinates all over the noble aims of person centred transforming care that I and many others hold dear. What is particularly galling about this latest carbuncle of a care innovation is that it steals an idea that I pitched to the I’m an Autistic, Get me out of here Concordat six months ago.

Having innovated the ethical and person centred relocation of an entire borough’s learning disabled population to the other side of the world, I freely admit to underestimating that a new cohort of learning disabled people would grow up in the borough and clog up commissioning incentives. Unfortunately the supply of discarded wallaby cages in Australia have dried up, so new housing solutions have to be sought. I know there is a call for appropriate placements closer to home but I think that overly paternalistic approach ignores the potential of building a joint community of disadvantaged autistic personnel and emus. I know for a fact that the outdated day centres in Newport Pagnellshire did not have the capacity or skills to facilitate didgeridoo lessons.

It was factoring these brutal realities of the limitations of standard UK step down services that I introduced an exciting innovation at the summer Concordat breakfast over a hearty spread of black pudding and quail’s eggs. My associate, Bob Bibb (MBE) had completed a year long research project looking at the scandalous underuse of porches. Most households leave their porches empty aside from the odd pair of wellington boots and the occasional riding crop. What better way of increasing the nation’s step down options whilst offering perfectly legitimate cash incentives, to encourage people to knock down or convert their porches into a glorious housing resource.

Many observers have looked at the draft designs and dismissed them as nothing more than a skip with a piece of tarpaulin slung over the top and a rope ladder dangling over the edge for access purposes. It may be true that this housing option may have once been a skip but with creative design and a flexible care provision, the possibilities for the service user are endless. The children using this service would only need a smaller garden waste skip, whilst the larger adult would be better served by a more commodious industrial waste skip. We’ve hired the presenters of Homes Under The Hammer to come on board as they are the experts at creating miracles out of a tin of magnolia paint and a sheet of chipboard. The care possibilities combined with the financial savings knocks the idea of a converted shed out of the ballpark. The nation’s fishponds are safe with Dame Deidre Trussell.

Forget Pods. Erase all images of a skip out of your mind. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Cups – Community Upsizing Placements”.

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